Body Dysmorphic Disorder is the dark cloud over my head following me everywhere I go. It leaves its ugly mark on everything that matters to me. Vacations, outings, visiting home, weddings including my own... I cannot remember a day in my life when body dysmorphia wasn't lingering around plaguing my mood and many times those around me as well. 
It took me 28 years to figure out what I was dealing with. Until that, I thought I simply hated myself and the way I look. Now I know that I hate myself and the way I look BECAUSE of past trauma and toxic shame. Much better right? Well, it helps to know. But, I still obsessively checking myself in the mirror every time I cross it, I still change few times before going out, and I still don't have a minute without thinking about all the ways my body is "wrong" and all the ways I have to improve it. It is exhausting and it never stops. I had to learn to deal with it and accept that it might not go away ever. 
I am writing this blog hoping that there are others out there who find it helpful and to provide a safe place where people can share their experiences and vent. I want to create a loving community where everybody can find information and support to learn how to cope with body dysmorphia.

body dysmorphic disorder, body dysmorphia

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I am not a mental health professional or a doctor, and I am not diagnosing anybody. In this blog, I write about my life and how I cope with body dysmorphic disorder for the purpose of giving comfort and insights to those who suffer from BDD too. For professional information please go to the Resources menu point where you can find knowledge about BDD written by professionals. If body dysmorphia is heavily affecting your life please see your GP or a board-certified therapist.